Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Gratitude and patience: a lesson

As I sit quietly in meditation, I hear my heart beat- first mildly, then surely, steadily, strongly. I think of the impeccable regularity with which my heart beats, after all it has been assigned the responsibility of keeping my body alive. I have consciously avoided saying "keeping me alive", in the light of what I believe, what I feel and what I know.

An instant passes. A beat. Another instant, then another beat.

I take a time-magnifying glass and look deep into the time between those two heart beats.

Do I find vacuum?

No, instead I have already passed that instant and gone two seconds into the future from where I intended to be. Oh, how can I stop time?

I cannot.

But can I still use the present to go deep into the gap laid bare between two instants sometime earlier in time? Maybe, let me try.

And I see it, now, at first a blur, then a little clearer, a grey. So this is it, time is grey ?

I focus my energies even more. The grey stretches for a great vast distance on either side, but from where I stand now I can see the grey disappearing into a great black shape and a great white shape, to my left and to my right respectively.

The great black wall represents the past that cannot be overcome. The great white wall represents the the future that has not yet come.

And I pray to God, to give me the wisdom to face life in this sea of grey, between the giant black wall and the giant white wall.

And I suddenly feel much lighter, the grip of restlessness gone, my grip on sanity a touch firmer now, because I see a light inside me. And I hear a voice inside me say: Gratitude, Patience.

I thank God for this revelation, this blessing, over and over again. I am overjoyed. Gratitude is what I need to face the giant black wall, and climb it slowly. Patience is what I need to face the giant white wall, and climb it slowly.

Suddenly, time seems to be giving me a warm hug, like a long lost friend who has returned to rescue me.

And I hug him.

Quiet.

Quiet all around.

Thud. I turn around to my right just in time to see a big white wall smack in my face, and lo! it went through me, and I am now on the other side, and I turn back quickly to look at the wall that has just gone through me. And it's turned black now !

And then I feel a final great thud against the back of my head. Is it the next giant white wall ?

"You've been sleeping in the class again? Have you done your Calculus homework?", I heard my teacher say, before I fainted for good.

5 Comments:

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Wednesday, January 11, 2006 6:39:00 AM  
Blogger apu said...

I liked it very much. Excellent writing. Except perhaps the last line, which has become somewhat self conscious...

Friday, January 13, 2006 9:11:00 AM  
Blogger the Monk said...

nice post,man...you're being spammed, btw...why don't u activate word verification...

Saturday, January 14, 2006 1:56:00 AM  
Blogger Srihari said...

Apu, thanks a lot for the nice words. Coming from you, it certainly makes me feel good about the post too. And you're spot on about the last line too...had almost exactly the same feeling about it.

The Monk, thanks a lot. Yes, I will activate word verification, I guess I was waiting for the first spammer;-)

Sunday, January 15, 2006 6:36:00 AM  
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Thursday, February 02, 2006 12:22:00 PM  

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